Santa, in case you’re studying this, please use your intense occult powers to do me a favor this festive season: cease corporations naming their merchandise incomprehensibly. Please? I’ll depart you some weed-laced cookies? Simply be certain I get devices with common names.

This pattern of ridiculously named {hardware} irritated me earlier than, however hit fever pitch not too long ago after I was attempting to purchase a wake-up gentle. That is, because it sounds, a lightweight that wakes you up. Successfully, they simulate the solar rising, which means you floor out of your slumber in a approach that feels pure.

After a little bit of analysis, it appeared that one of the best model to go for was Philips. So, I browsed the corporate’s web site. And what was I confronted with? A collection of wake-up lights with the dumbest doable names, I’m speaking shit like HF3520/01, HF3510/01, HF3505/01, HF3500/01, and HF3531/01.

And, imagine me, that listing continues — particularly in case you’re on one thing like Amazon. It’s nauseating.

philips wake-up light gadgets with regular names